thirty one

I had another early alarm so I could get more blood taken this morning. Not entirely sure why they did another estrogen draw, but I’m hoping it means we are close to retrieval and it’s not bad news that my levels are too high. The nurse is supposed to call this afternoon with results and next step. I will most likely have another scan tomorrow morning and more blood work.

This morning as I was getting ready to leave I decided to count how many times I’ve been poked since last Tuesday – I counted 31. The girl who was terrified of needles has been poked 31 times in under a week. I almost couldn’t believe it.

I am dead tired today. Starbucks also screwed up my order this morning and I didn’t get breakfast because of this. Looks like it’s an early lunch day.

Today I am thankful for the cozy bed that is waiting for me at home. I have been sleeping well, but getting less sleep each night due to nobody’s fault but my own. I know I am probably going to have to wake up early tomorrow too, but I fully intend on going to bed super early tonight after a nice hot shower. It’s rainy today, so I declare today to be a movie day once I get home from the office. It’s the little things, you know?

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the one with the good nurse

I had another scan this morning after our 5th night of stimming. The past two days, Irwin has been administering a dropped dose of the follistim per the doctor’s orders, along with the low dose HSG. I could hardly sleep last night, for multiple reasons:

1. My arm felt bruised and I was NERVOUS to give up my arm again today thinking it would hurt. More on this in a moment…
2. I couldn’t get comfortable because my ovaries are producing a lot of follicles. This is exactly what we want, but it felt like I was trying to fall asleep with a full bladder.
3. The last episode of season 2 of The Man in the High Castle was on and I wanted to know what kind of cliffhanger they left to wrap up next season.

Eventually the show ended, I settled in lying on my side, and off to dreamland I went still nervous about the blood draw. 6:30am rolls around and I’m up to get ready and head off to the doctors. I’ve always been a morning person and perpetually early for everything so it only makes sense that I beat the sonographer into the office this morning. Once she arrives and gets settled in, we are able to start the appointment.

TWENTY ONE GOOD FOLLICLES. 15 on the right, 6 on the left and all measuring between 10mm and 12mm. I actually started crying watching her measure them in total awe of how much of a miracle this procedure is. That’s when she gave me the best news I’ve ever heard – the nurse who has drawn blood from me all but twice in the last 6 months was the nurse today and I just about did a happy dance off the hospital bed. Nothing like feeling a bruise AND possibly having to get used to a new nurse. All of the nurses, x ray technicians, sonographers, and doctors in the University Hospitals Fertility Centers are the kindest people you will ever meet and I am so grateful this is where our journey led us.

Tonight we will introduce ganirelix to our injection repertoire, which is supposed to ward off premature ovulation. They have dropped my dose of follistim by just a bit more and I will continue taking my low dose HSG. I have to go back in tomorrow for another blood draw, but no scan. Not entirely sure for the reason on this, but my gut is telling me because we are getting close to retrieval. We are continuing to take it one day at a time, and God has even given me a light schedule this week so it won’t be too hard to rearrange things as needed!

I wore jeans again today and generally my mood is feeling good. My e2 level is over 1500 at this point, and I am finding myself tearing up at more today but I don’t have a short temper or the desire to have crying fits.

Today I am so, so grateful for the University Hospital Fertility Clinic staff. As I stated above, everyone who works in this department are genuinely kind and care about you. The remember little details even though I know I am one of probably 40-50 other women going through IVF this month. I literally trust them with mine and my child’s life and I pray to God everyday for having our paths cross. I know we are in good hands. Side note: any nurses or doctors out here reading. I want to bring them something to show my appreciation but I don’t know what to take. If you have any suggestions on what you would like a patient to bring you, let me know!

green light

Right before I left my office yesterday I got the call from the fertility center I was waiting for. In my head I was thinking my e2 levels would be right around 100, maybe a little higher or lower depending. Yeah, no. They came back at 530! Which means we were given the go-ahead to definitely continue, but they scaled back our dosage of the Follistim a bit. I will go to the Beachwood clinic tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and more bloodwork to make sure everything is on track. We are praying for follicle growth and that my estrogen levels are where they need to be and I don’t think I’ve ever prayed so fervently for something in my life.

I also had another acupuncture appointment this morning before heading into the office. She used 14 needles {way more than the 4 she used at my first appointment} in my belly, arms, and legs. About halfway through the first set I could feel pulsing in the ovary regions and then heaviness. I can almost feel the growth which is really so cool.

I am still feeling good today – but I did switch over to leggings. This is partly because it’s Saturday and I need to clean my house once I’m off work, but also because I couldn’t be bothered to put on jeans today.

Today I am thankful for this process. These are literally words I never thought would come out of my mouth, but I am learning so much and have a new respect for the human body. It is a total miracle that any of this works and it’s honestly a miracle that Irwin and I are handling this as well as we are. IVF is scary when you look at it. I kind of gave us this 5 year timeline to mentally and financially prepare for it, but God planned otherwise. I haven’t once felt since starting that God didn’t want us to go through this, and there is something comforting in that because, honestly, there is no way I would have the peace I have without God and Irwin says the same.

and some panic

Yesterday we made it through day three of stimming and even a mid-injection cartridge change. The follistim only has 300 units per cartridge and it’s overfilled slightly, meaning sometimes we will have to switch it out mid-injection. This is kind of an annoyance, but Irwin and I are becoming pros at this so it wasn’t too bad. I’m at that point where it’s like what’s one more needle and a few hundred more dollars *proceeds to make it rain money which University Hospitals promptly picks up and deposits into their account*.

All jokes aside, I did have a moment of weakness this morning and had a mini panic attack after leaving the monitoring appointment. According to the ultrasound by lining is thickening (good sign) but all the follicles I have are still under 10mm a piece (normal sign). I think in my head I was expecting this amazing growth, so even after both nurses, Dr. Google, and friends telling me all this is normal for being on day 3 of stims and day 6 of my cycle, I still had a bit of panic set in thinking what if they cancel because I’m not responding well. I was so worried about overstimulation that I didn’t even give thought to under stimulating. New curve ball I guess. I will say that on the baseline day, I couldn’t see any follicles on the ultrasound, and today I saw a lot, so I feel like there is growth, they are just growing slowly. Turtle and the hare – slow and steady wins the race.

Outside of my bout of panic and some tears this morning, I still feel really good. No major bloating (still wearing jeans!) and no true pain. I do feel some expanding down by my ovaries, but nothing abnormal or cause for concern. Trying to eat mostly healthy, but the caramel – pretzel – chocolate chip cookies I made the other day are still part of my daily caloric intake. All about balance after all, amiright?

Today I am thankful for my friends that have been there since the moment we started this journey 2 years ago. I have literally never met any of them in person, but a lot of the time, and especially with anything regarding reproduction, I feel closer to them than any of my irl friends. I guess that’s what happens when you regularly discuss Wanda, bodily fluids, and pee sticks. Love you ladies to pieces!

we survived!

Day one is done.

After leaving the pharmacy yesterday afternoon I almost had a panic attack in the car. The two grocery bags full of medications was daunting and I think I was worried about getting it all at one time. There were roughly 8 prescriptions in the bag, but we are just starting with two of them, which is so much more manageable. We definitely ran into some issues being that it was the first night:

Firstly, the one medication I am on needs to be mixed and for whatever reason, we STRUGGLED to get the solution into the bottle with the powder. Irwin tried multiple attempts to draw it up, and then I took over after getting a little frustrated with him (Lord, give me patience). We also realized that once you close a sharps container, you can’t reopen it. It’s a learning curve.

The time had finally come for him to inject me and I think we both freaked. I will never forget the look of terror/sadness he had in his eyes. All in all, it wasn’t too bad. Just like a pinch and then it was over. We both took a deep breath after both injections were administered and I realized then that we were probably both holding our breaths. Night two is tonight, and while I’m not exactly excited about it, I don’t have the same anxieties about it. 

I am feeling pretty good today, not sleepy or nauseous or anything. I do feel a little bit of activity in the ovary regions of my body though, which I am going to take as a good sign.

Today I am thankful for my amazing husband. He is so courageous and totally my rock. This is hard on me physically, but I can tell it’s equally as hard on him mentally. I’m just praying for his strength through this. If you see him around, just say a quick prayer for him and make sure he is doing okay. I really do love that man with all my heart.

baseline

Welcome to my ivf journal. I am sharing more details about my personal life over on the Dear Baby C board, but this will strictly be how our ivf journey is coming along, how I am feeling, and what I am grateful for that day. I know one day I am going to want to look back on this journey, and hopefully this can help someone else down the line.

Today I had my baseline appointment. I was really excited walking into the doctors {see photo for proof}.

I’ll have my results back later from my blood work {they measured estrogen levels and also ran a test to check if I am anemic), but everything on my ultrasound looked good. It’s only cycle day 3, so next to no activity, which is how they wanted it anyway. Twenty five antral follicles were found, ten on the left – fifteen on the right, and I was told that is a really good number. In speaking with the nurse, it’s sounding like I’ll be on the 175 of follistim and 5 of the pregnyl, but she will call with exact amounts later today. I treated myself to a little Starbucks breakfast after the appointment. I think I may check out a new spot each morning I have an appointment.

I am feeling pretty drowsy and wishing the day would move faster. Blood work, especially when coupled with a 5:50am wake up and no coffee, does that to me though. The good news is I am only in the office until about 11:30 this morning, and then I have a vendor lunch and a second vendor meeting over on the east side today. I will also pick up all my medications while I am over there. Other than the sleepiness, I’m feeling really good. Super relaxed and positive, thank you Lord.

Today I am grateful to work for a company that allows me so much flexibility. Not many can float in and out of the office as they please and for that I am thankful. It definitely makes scheduling appointments easier and working from home if I am feeling crummy is a great thing too.