breakdown

Guys, I officially had my first hormone driven breakdown of this whole cycle. I went in for another scan today and yet another round of bloodwork and it was just kind of a mess from the beginning. I was running late because we got a bunch of rain last night and Buster was boycotting potty time, and when I got there my chart wasn’t ready because the 24th was written for my next appointment instead of today {the 23rd}. Naturally, I leaped at the possibility of just coming back tomorrow but the receptionist laughed and told me she needs to check with the nurse before letting me go. I was correct and the paper was wrong and they ended up seeing me. It took a solid half hour to measure all the follicles. Last scan, I had 21 follicles that were all above 10mm, and today there were additional follicles that were under 10mm in addition to the growing ones. The caveat to all this was I thought the ones I already had as of Sunday had stopped growing and that sent me into a tailspin.

I head back into the lobby and wait on the nurse to draw blood, but because of the number of follicles charting took some additional time and I just started crying. Once the nurse brought me back, she asked how I was doing and I lost it. I literally didn’t even have a reason other than my non-knowledge of all this and Dr. Google was leading me to fret about OHSS and possible cancellation. Daine just looked at me and laughed a bit and was like “honey, with all the hormones going through you right now, you are totally okay for feeling the way you do”. We then talked about my risk level for OHSS which I had a gut feeling was pretty possible but nobody had said anything to me prior, most likely to prevent over obsessive research {jokes on them, I researched all this months ago anyways} and how we will probably be doing an alternative trigger to radically reduce the possibility of overstimulation. The issue with the alternative trigger is now instead of a fresh transfer 5 days post-op, we will be waiting until my next cycle to do a frozen transfer. They got blood, which has gotten way easier over this last week, and Diane gave me a big hug and I was on my way.

I have officially made the switch over to leggings for daily wear. I am having trouble falling asleep at night because of the growing follicles and the fullness I feel and when I thought about putting on jeans this morning I silently laughed to myself and pulled my leggings out of the drawer. I bought these Lululemon leggings awhile ago when I started going to yoga, but justified the price by telling myself these are the perfect pregnancy leggings. Same is true for IVF leggings because I feel a few months pregnant at this point.

Today I am thankful for serving such an amazing God. I know there are plenty of non-religious people out there, but I could not have even made it this far without feeling like God is right by my side through all this. Every night while I’m trying to get comfortable and drift off to sleep I’ve been silently singing worship songs and praying for peace and comfort. I’m also that person with their car radio up super loud and singing at the top of my lungs to worship at 6:40 in the morning. This is a rough process emotionally, physically, and mentally and I am so thankful for having a God that I know is looking out for me and keeping me safe. I know this is the route He wanted us to take, and maybe someday we will get to use our experience for His glory. Until then, we will keep singing and praying and hoping for the best.

 

Our three injections last night {Follistim, Low Dose HCG, Ganirelix)

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thirty one

I had another early alarm so I could get more blood taken this morning. Not entirely sure why they did another estrogen draw, but I’m hoping it means we are close to retrieval and it’s not bad news that my levels are too high. The nurse is supposed to call this afternoon with results and next step. I will most likely have another scan tomorrow morning and more blood work.

This morning as I was getting ready to leave I decided to count how many times I’ve been poked since last Tuesday – I counted 31. The girl who was terrified of needles has been poked 31 times in under a week. I almost couldn’t believe it.

I am dead tired today. Starbucks also screwed up my order this morning and I didn’t get breakfast because of this. Looks like it’s an early lunch day.

Today I am thankful for the cozy bed that is waiting for me at home. I have been sleeping well, but getting less sleep each night due to nobody’s fault but my own. I know I am probably going to have to wake up early tomorrow too, but I fully intend on going to bed super early tonight after a nice hot shower. It’s rainy today, so I declare today to be a movie day once I get home from the office. It’s the little things, you know?

the one with the good nurse

I had another scan this morning after our 5th night of stimming. The past two days, Irwin has been administering a dropped dose of the follistim per the doctor’s orders, along with the low dose HSG. I could hardly sleep last night, for multiple reasons:

1. My arm felt bruised and I was NERVOUS to give up my arm again today thinking it would hurt. More on this in a moment…
2. I couldn’t get comfortable because my ovaries are producing a lot of follicles. This is exactly what we want, but it felt like I was trying to fall asleep with a full bladder.
3. The last episode of season 2 of The Man in the High Castle was on and I wanted to know what kind of cliffhanger they left to wrap up next season.

Eventually the show ended, I settled in lying on my side, and off to dreamland I went still nervous about the blood draw. 6:30am rolls around and I’m up to get ready and head off to the doctors. I’ve always been a morning person and perpetually early for everything so it only makes sense that I beat the sonographer into the office this morning. Once she arrives and gets settled in, we are able to start the appointment.

TWENTY ONE GOOD FOLLICLES. 15 on the right, 6 on the left and all measuring between 10mm and 12mm. I actually started crying watching her measure them in total awe of how much of a miracle this procedure is. That’s when she gave me the best news I’ve ever heard – the nurse who has drawn blood from me all but twice in the last 6 months was the nurse today and I just about did a happy dance off the hospital bed. Nothing like feeling a bruise AND possibly having to get used to a new nurse. All of the nurses, x ray technicians, sonographers, and doctors in the University Hospitals Fertility Centers are the kindest people you will ever meet and I am so grateful this is where our journey led us.

Tonight we will introduce ganirelix to our injection repertoire, which is supposed to ward off premature ovulation. They have dropped my dose of follistim by just a bit more and I will continue taking my low dose HSG. I have to go back in tomorrow for another blood draw, but no scan. Not entirely sure for the reason on this, but my gut is telling me because we are getting close to retrieval. We are continuing to take it one day at a time, and God has even given me a light schedule this week so it won’t be too hard to rearrange things as needed!

I wore jeans again today and generally my mood is feeling good. My e2 level is over 1500 at this point, and I am finding myself tearing up at more today but I don’t have a short temper or the desire to have crying fits.

Today I am so, so grateful for the University Hospital Fertility Clinic staff. As I stated above, everyone who works in this department are genuinely kind and care about you. The remember little details even though I know I am one of probably 40-50 other women going through IVF this month. I literally trust them with mine and my child’s life and I pray to God everyday for having our paths cross. I know we are in good hands. Side note: any nurses or doctors out here reading. I want to bring them something to show my appreciation but I don’t know what to take. If you have any suggestions on what you would like a patient to bring you, let me know!

the longest tww there ever was

Dear Baby C,

Welcome to the tww {two week wait}. I know we shouldn’t be expecting anything from this cycle, but I am full of expectation for what is coming after these next two weeks! It feels like yesterday that we were sitting in our dining room going over deciding to move forward with ivf and here we are, just two weeks away from starting this process. The following is a little overview on how all of this will work:

3 days after my cycle starts, I will go in for my first ultrasound and round of bloodwork, called baseline testing. From there they will tell me just how much medication I will need to inject that evening and the evening prior.

Two days after that (and every other day for the next 8 days or so) I will be going to the doctors early in the morning for more ultrasounds and bloodwork. Your dad will be injecting two different medications into my belly each night during this time. After about a week and a half, the doctor will determine if we are ready for the retrieval. Once she gives us the go-ahead, dad will inject the trigger shot and 36 hours after that I will be in surgery to have all of the developed eggs removed. That evening we will start the dreaded Progesterone in Oil shots.

Once the eggs are fertilized, we should get a phone call about how many embabies we have growing in the lab! If all continues to go well, 5 days after my surgery, we will go in and have one of the blastocysts transferred back into my uterus.

Then we wait…

 

This is a very dumbed down version of exactly what is going to be happening and overtaking our lives for the next month or so, but I won’t overwhelm you.

In other news, I have my first acupuncture treatment scheduled for next Friday morning. I’ve read and heard from just about everyone that it helps and I am ready to try just about anything at this point to get you here. If you didn’t know me, you’d never know I was absolutely terrified of needles…

We love you baby C,

Mom & Dad

 

a few days of good luck

Dear Baby C,

Yesterday your dad and I got a very exciting phone call. We were approved for a 25% discount on the medications the doctor has prescribed to me. I will be on seven different medications plus my prenatals and thyroid medication.

I cannot believe we are 25 days away from starting this process.

Most days I feel really good about it, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any doubts occasionally sneak in. I’ve been praying for you for almost two years now, but I’ve been praying especially hard for you recently and if I’m being honest, for my strength as well. This whole process involves lots of needles, which is quite possibly one of my biggest fears, and I am going to need lots of strength to get through it.

The doctor has me on an antagonist protocol, due to my risk of hyperstimulation.

I will be taking daily injections of Follistim and Pregnyl to help produce lots of eggs and keep them growing at the same rate. After a few monitoring appointments, they’ll add in the Ganirelix, which will prevent the eggs from releasing prematurely. Once they deem all the eggs are ready, they will schedule my retrieval and I’ll take the trigger.

They have me on some other oral medications and prescribed me an estrogen patch to wear, to make my uterine lining thick (this whole process is so, so sexy) so I can have a sticky baby! They have also prescribed me the dreaded PiO injections, which is an intramuscular injection given daily right in the behind. As much as I loathe needles, I’m hoping I need a bunch of these because that would mean I am pregnant with you!

Say lots of prayers for your dad, who has been a trooper through all of this, because I feel like all these hormones are going to make me a little hard to handle.

We love you Baby C,

Mom & Dad