breakdown

Guys, I officially had my first hormone driven breakdown of this whole cycle. I went in for another scan today and yet another round of bloodwork and it was just kind of a mess from the beginning. I was running late because we got a bunch of rain last night and Buster was boycotting potty time, and when I got there my chart wasn’t ready because the 24th was written for my next appointment instead of today {the 23rd}. Naturally, I leaped at the possibility of just coming back tomorrow but the receptionist laughed and told me she needs to check with the nurse before letting me go. I was correct and the paper was wrong and they ended up seeing me. It took a solid half hour to measure all the follicles. Last scan, I had 21 follicles that were all above 10mm, and today there were additional follicles that were under 10mm in addition to the growing ones. The caveat to all this was I thought the ones I already had as of Sunday had stopped growing and that sent me into a tailspin.

I head back into the lobby and wait on the nurse to draw blood, but because of the number of follicles charting took some additional time and I just started crying. Once the nurse brought me back, she asked how I was doing and I lost it. I literally didn’t even have a reason other than my non-knowledge of all this and Dr. Google was leading me to fret about OHSS and possible cancellation. Daine just looked at me and laughed a bit and was like “honey, with all the hormones going through you right now, you are totally okay for feeling the way you do”. We then talked about my risk level for OHSS which I had a gut feeling was pretty possible but nobody had said anything to me prior, most likely to prevent over obsessive research {jokes on them, I researched all this months ago anyways} and how we will probably be doing an alternative trigger to radically reduce the possibility of overstimulation. The issue with the alternative trigger is now instead of a fresh transfer 5 days post-op, we will be waiting until my next cycle to do a frozen transfer. They got blood, which has gotten way easier over this last week, and Diane gave me a big hug and I was on my way.

I have officially made the switch over to leggings for daily wear. I am having trouble falling asleep at night because of the growing follicles and the fullness I feel and when I thought about putting on jeans this morning I silently laughed to myself and pulled my leggings out of the drawer. I bought these Lululemon leggings awhile ago when I started going to yoga, but justified the price by telling myself these are the perfect pregnancy leggings. Same is true for IVF leggings because I feel a few months pregnant at this point.

Today I am thankful for serving such an amazing God. I know there are plenty of non-religious people out there, but I could not have even made it this far without feeling like God is right by my side through all this. Every night while I’m trying to get comfortable and drift off to sleep I’ve been silently singing worship songs and praying for peace and comfort. I’m also that person with their car radio up super loud and singing at the top of my lungs to worship at 6:40 in the morning. This is a rough process emotionally, physically, and mentally and I am so thankful for having a God that I know is looking out for me and keeping me safe. I know this is the route He wanted us to take, and maybe someday we will get to use our experience for His glory. Until then, we will keep singing and praying and hoping for the best.

 

Our three injections last night {Follistim, Low Dose HCG, Ganirelix)

Advertisement

thirty one

I had another early alarm so I could get more blood taken this morning. Not entirely sure why they did another estrogen draw, but I’m hoping it means we are close to retrieval and it’s not bad news that my levels are too high. The nurse is supposed to call this afternoon with results and next step. I will most likely have another scan tomorrow morning and more blood work.

This morning as I was getting ready to leave I decided to count how many times I’ve been poked since last Tuesday – I counted 31. The girl who was terrified of needles has been poked 31 times in under a week. I almost couldn’t believe it.

I am dead tired today. Starbucks also screwed up my order this morning and I didn’t get breakfast because of this. Looks like it’s an early lunch day.

Today I am thankful for the cozy bed that is waiting for me at home. I have been sleeping well, but getting less sleep each night due to nobody’s fault but my own. I know I am probably going to have to wake up early tomorrow too, but I fully intend on going to bed super early tonight after a nice hot shower. It’s rainy today, so I declare today to be a movie day once I get home from the office. It’s the little things, you know?

the one with the good nurse

I had another scan this morning after our 5th night of stimming. The past two days, Irwin has been administering a dropped dose of the follistim per the doctor’s orders, along with the low dose HSG. I could hardly sleep last night, for multiple reasons:

1. My arm felt bruised and I was NERVOUS to give up my arm again today thinking it would hurt. More on this in a moment…
2. I couldn’t get comfortable because my ovaries are producing a lot of follicles. This is exactly what we want, but it felt like I was trying to fall asleep with a full bladder.
3. The last episode of season 2 of The Man in the High Castle was on and I wanted to know what kind of cliffhanger they left to wrap up next season.

Eventually the show ended, I settled in lying on my side, and off to dreamland I went still nervous about the blood draw. 6:30am rolls around and I’m up to get ready and head off to the doctors. I’ve always been a morning person and perpetually early for everything so it only makes sense that I beat the sonographer into the office this morning. Once she arrives and gets settled in, we are able to start the appointment.

TWENTY ONE GOOD FOLLICLES. 15 on the right, 6 on the left and all measuring between 10mm and 12mm. I actually started crying watching her measure them in total awe of how much of a miracle this procedure is. That’s when she gave me the best news I’ve ever heard – the nurse who has drawn blood from me all but twice in the last 6 months was the nurse today and I just about did a happy dance off the hospital bed. Nothing like feeling a bruise AND possibly having to get used to a new nurse. All of the nurses, x ray technicians, sonographers, and doctors in the University Hospitals Fertility Centers are the kindest people you will ever meet and I am so grateful this is where our journey led us.

Tonight we will introduce ganirelix to our injection repertoire, which is supposed to ward off premature ovulation. They have dropped my dose of follistim by just a bit more and I will continue taking my low dose HSG. I have to go back in tomorrow for another blood draw, but no scan. Not entirely sure for the reason on this, but my gut is telling me because we are getting close to retrieval. We are continuing to take it one day at a time, and God has even given me a light schedule this week so it won’t be too hard to rearrange things as needed!

I wore jeans again today and generally my mood is feeling good. My e2 level is over 1500 at this point, and I am finding myself tearing up at more today but I don’t have a short temper or the desire to have crying fits.

Today I am so, so grateful for the University Hospital Fertility Clinic staff. As I stated above, everyone who works in this department are genuinely kind and care about you. The remember little details even though I know I am one of probably 40-50 other women going through IVF this month. I literally trust them with mine and my child’s life and I pray to God everyday for having our paths cross. I know we are in good hands. Side note: any nurses or doctors out here reading. I want to bring them something to show my appreciation but I don’t know what to take. If you have any suggestions on what you would like a patient to bring you, let me know!

green light

Right before I left my office yesterday I got the call from the fertility center I was waiting for. In my head I was thinking my e2 levels would be right around 100, maybe a little higher or lower depending. Yeah, no. They came back at 530! Which means we were given the go-ahead to definitely continue, but they scaled back our dosage of the Follistim a bit. I will go to the Beachwood clinic tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and more bloodwork to make sure everything is on track. We are praying for follicle growth and that my estrogen levels are where they need to be and I don’t think I’ve ever prayed so fervently for something in my life.

I also had another acupuncture appointment this morning before heading into the office. She used 14 needles {way more than the 4 she used at my first appointment} in my belly, arms, and legs. About halfway through the first set I could feel pulsing in the ovary regions and then heaviness. I can almost feel the growth which is really so cool.

I am still feeling good today – but I did switch over to leggings. This is partly because it’s Saturday and I need to clean my house once I’m off work, but also because I couldn’t be bothered to put on jeans today.

Today I am thankful for this process. These are literally words I never thought would come out of my mouth, but I am learning so much and have a new respect for the human body. It is a total miracle that any of this works and it’s honestly a miracle that Irwin and I are handling this as well as we are. IVF is scary when you look at it. I kind of gave us this 5 year timeline to mentally and financially prepare for it, but God planned otherwise. I haven’t once felt since starting that God didn’t want us to go through this, and there is something comforting in that because, honestly, there is no way I would have the peace I have without God and Irwin says the same.

baseline

Welcome to my ivf journal. I am sharing more details about my personal life over on the Dear Baby C board, but this will strictly be how our ivf journey is coming along, how I am feeling, and what I am grateful for that day. I know one day I am going to want to look back on this journey, and hopefully this can help someone else down the line.

Today I had my baseline appointment. I was really excited walking into the doctors {see photo for proof}.

I’ll have my results back later from my blood work {they measured estrogen levels and also ran a test to check if I am anemic), but everything on my ultrasound looked good. It’s only cycle day 3, so next to no activity, which is how they wanted it anyway. Twenty five antral follicles were found, ten on the left – fifteen on the right, and I was told that is a really good number. In speaking with the nurse, it’s sounding like I’ll be on the 175 of follistim and 5 of the pregnyl, but she will call with exact amounts later today. I treated myself to a little Starbucks breakfast after the appointment. I think I may check out a new spot each morning I have an appointment.

I am feeling pretty drowsy and wishing the day would move faster. Blood work, especially when coupled with a 5:50am wake up and no coffee, does that to me though. The good news is I am only in the office until about 11:30 this morning, and then I have a vendor lunch and a second vendor meeting over on the east side today. I will also pick up all my medications while I am over there. Other than the sleepiness, I’m feeling really good. Super relaxed and positive, thank you Lord.

Today I am grateful to work for a company that allows me so much flexibility. Not many can float in and out of the office as they please and for that I am thankful. It definitely makes scheduling appointments easier and working from home if I am feeling crummy is a great thing too.