twenty four hours

Tomorrow at 11am, just about 24 hours from now, we will be in the procedure room transferring our blastocyst. I honestly cannot believe it’s here and I’m feeling very good about it. I have been envisioning being pregnant and even holding our beautiful child in the delivery room and in our home. I have been trying to keep things very light and positive lately as to not overwhelm my thoughts with negative energy. God is going to provide and perform a miracle.

There are no dietary restrictions leading up to tomorrow, but nearly all the medications I’m on have some sort of restriction to them. No dairy or antacids within two hours of  the doxy pills, no food at all within the hour of taking the synthroid pill, medrol needs to be taken at bedtime but with food… Pretzels and animal crackers have become my friends at this point. Tomorrow morning, an hour after my synthroid medication, I’ll introduce pineapple into my diet – core included – to help with implantation. I am also slated to have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow, but waiting to hear on the time as I needed to move it up a bit in order to have ample time to make it to the other side of town.

I had a dream last night about our transfer. The doctor was in the lab and watching each blast thaw. The first two they thawed were no good, but the third was so strong and the doctor and embryologists were very excited about it. I’m trying to not read much into it, because I know God is going to give us our miracle during this time. And the dream was very positive once we got to that third blast. I also don’t have any anxieties about the after. I am only anxious to get to the hospital and be reunited with my little babes.

Tonight I have big plans to pick up my grocery order, clean my house, and pick up the edible arrangements I’ve ordered for the fertility clinics. I may even pick up some flowers to “treat myself”. I want to be sure we will have a relaxing weekend once we complete the transfer tomorrow and other than a wedding rehearsal tomorrow evening, I think this weekend is going to be pretty low key. Even the rehearsal shouldn’t be too bad – my clients and the planner this weekend are super sweet.

Prayers, sticky baby vibes, positivity, and well wishes would be great as we enter into this next phase and the tww!


positivity and guilt

I’ve felt mostly calm and excited this cycle, thinking about the prospect that this could be the cycle I finally see those two beautiful pink lines. Irwin and I have decided to take a very positive approach to our frozen embryo transfer and speak about our baby as if he or she will be here in November. We are having faith in God to bring our child to us and allow us to obtain and sustain a pregnancy.

But last night as I was doing some reading, I had a new feeling come over me.

Not worry.

Not negativity.

But guilt.

I became sad. I began thinking about all of those who struggle with their fertility journey’s, about those who try for so much longer than we have been trying, who go through multiple rounds of ivf without success. I thought about how, in relative terms, we’ve had a fairly easy journey. My stimming process for our fresh cycle lasted 10 days from baseline to egg retrieval. I had overstimulated, so we had to take a break and are prepping for our frozen embryo transfer now, but when everything is said and done, this has been a fairly easy process for us. Even needles – which I used to be terrified of, aren’t as bad anymore {I’m still scared of shots, but not like I used to be}. I have been calm and relaxed. I’ve felt at peace. It’s an odd place for me to be in because before we started ivf, I was the total opposite of calm and at peace.My prayer today is that everyone, no matter where they are in this journey, finds that calmness and peace. That if their journeys last a few months, or triple the number of years it’s taken us, that they find happiness and that someday they have their baby in their arms.

Some light reading before bed

In two days, I will be reunited with one of our embryos. We are praying with all our might that he or she is strong and is a sticky baby. That we are able to conceive and our baby grows for a healthy and happy nine months, and that in November we get to hold our bouncing little baby in our arms.

This whole process, whether you are doing ivf or trying naturally, takes so much faith and it is only by miracles that babies are born. It’s incredible that our little miracle is finally so close.



what day is it?

I literally have done what feels like a weeks worth of work in the last two days and I am TIRED. I actually woke up a bit before Irwin’s alarm went off this morning and told myself to go back to bed because it was Sunday… nope. I’ve pretty much been working daily for the last four weeks and I finally see the light at the end of that tunnel.

My week is, fortunately, a little short as we have our embryo transfer on Friday! In preparation for that, I plan to take Friday off to get my house clean, grocery shop, and get in an acupuncture appointment before the transfer and taking it easy over the rest of the weekend. I will be working from home Friday and Saturday, but it will be nice to work from my couch in pajamas. I also plan to get little gift baskets together for the fertility center to just thank them for everything they have done up until this point. If you’ve been reading along, you know how much they have gone above and beyond, and I really appreciate everything they’ve done up until this point. I’m thinking of getting them some macaroons, granola bars, teas and coffee, candy, and fruit. I’ll stuff this all in a basket and write a thank you card as well. It’s nice to be nice, after all.

I’ll share a little secret with you guys, I recently ordered some cloth diapers for our little one. When we first started trying, I did a bunch of research and decided on cloth diapering. I won’t be a stay at home mom, but I have enough flexibility in my schedule that it will work. And my mother in law, who will spend some time during the week watching the baby is well versed in cloth diapering too. Last week and over the weekend I went into this “let’s order all the baby things” phase. Sometimes I wonder if I am being too optimistic, but I truly have faith God is going to give us our child and he or she is going to be this perfect little miracle. It warms my heart just thinking about it.