Monday again…

Weekends have been flying lately and I’m not about it at all. I want need more time to sleep and get housework done. It doesn’t help that our weekends have been relatively busy as of late.

Friday night Irwin and I went to Babies r Us to scope things out. We found some bedding and a pack and play that we love. It was really nice being in the store and dreaming about our future little one. I think we’re going to head back there in May to create our registry for Baby C.

Saturday was pretty relaxed during the day. I took a nap, and once I got up we got ready and headed to the grocery store and later went to the church for a couples night. They did one of those paint and wine things without the wine and we painted the Cleveland skyline. Much to my surprise, Irwin is a decent painter and our canvas didn’t turn out half bad.

On Sunday I was up before the sun thanks to a full bladder and the two dogs in our house. I made myself some breakfast {read: poured a bowl of cereal} and watched some fixer upper before taking a morning nap. Then it was time to go to church. Our pastor and his wife were back from their missions trip and it was so nice to see them again! We also loved hearing about their trip and are excited to see what God has in store for our church, the city of Cleveland, and the whole state of Ohio. I took another nap when we got home {growing a baby is clearly exhausting work} and we got ready for the week with some meal prepping and life group.

This week should be pretty low key, but Irwin is going out of town for a couple of days to attend a safety conference. It’s the first time I will be alone in our house overnight and I’m equal parts nervous and excited. We will obviously miss Irwin like crazy, but I think the dogs and I are looking forward to sprawling out on the whole bed and he will be home on Thursday night, so it’s not like he’ll be gone for a super long time. Then Saturday we are finally going to announce to our parents that we are having a baby! I am waiting on a call from the doctors now for my first beta levels, but it is so surreal to me that we have a child growing inside me. It’s our little miracle and we couldn’t be more excited.



Shortly after 1pm yesterday we got the call that we had been anxiously awaiting. My e2 levels came back at 5070 and with all the follicles they measured in the morning, the doctors wanted us to trigger. Due to my estrogen levels being so high, we are no longer eligible for a fresh transfer and had to trigger with a mix of HCG and Lupron. We are hoping to put the OHSS risk at bay. My surgery is scheduled for 8:30am on Thursday, but we have to be in at 7am to get prepped. I am feeling a little nervous, mostly because I hate hospitals, and I am really praying they get a good number of quality eggs.

The good news about all of this is after tomorrow, I get a break from the needles for a bit. The bad news is our little embabies have to make it to the freeze and then thawing the freeze next month.

I am pretty emotionally drained at this point and my mood has switched over from generally positive to extremely pessimistic. I’ve also gotten back to where I start crying and literally cannot stop. This has the possibility to send me into a really strong depression, and I’m not sure I would cope if that ended up being the case. I’ve even considered selling our brand new home if it doesn’t work and moving back into something smaller. What is the point of having a large home if you can’t fill it with babies? I know God has put on my heart having a child of my own, with possible adoption down the line for other babies, but I am really struggling right now to remain positive about the whole situation.

Today I am thankful for Beau and Buster, who can single-handedly make a whole day better with one puppy kiss. Dogs just tend to make the world a better place and these sweet boys know exactly what to do when I’m not feeling the greatest. I seriously look forward to coming home and seeing them every day, even if they weren’t the best boys while I was at work.