big news guys

… my jeans fit again!

I know you all were probably hoping for an update on our little embabies, but alas, nothing yet. Nothing except myself totally having anxious thoughts. If you hear beating, I can assure you that is my heart.

Fortunately, we are getting to that point where my work is picking up again and since we’re still in engagement season, my calendar has been full of tours. Last year, I accepted a new position at a new building literally the day after I spoke to my old employer about long-term plans for the company and my role in them. This time last year, I thought I would’ve worked there for the rest of my life. As much as I loved my role there, my mental health is so much better than it was last year and I give a lot of credit for that to my current employer. 

Last year was weird for me, not only personally, but in my work life as well. When I first started my current job, I was new person on the totem pole and learning the ropes, but there was really no direction given as I was the first full-time employee they had in this position. I felt like the staff that I was responsible for didn’t care for me and the structure I brought to the company. We’ve now lost a few employees and gained some new ones who I care for deeply. I’ve also been able to strengthen my relationships with those employees who have stuck it out through the transition. Now that I feel like my head has been screwed on properly again, I’m excited to see what 2018 has in store. I’m hoping we see more color this year, and more flowers. I know eucalyptus is gorgeous, but if one more person tells me how original they are being with their gold and eucalyptus decor, I may lose it.

 

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seventeen and counting

Phew, what a weekend!

My egg retrieval procedure was Thursday morning bright and early on the other side of town. I was definitely tired {thank goodness I’m a morning person} but even more so thirsty since you can’t drink or eat anything for twelve hours prior to surgery. Once we met with the financial counselor and paid for all of this, it was time to go back to the OR. We did have a couple of nurses I’d never met, a doctor I never met, and an anesthesiologist team I never met either and to say I was a bit nervous was an understatement. However, I’ve said this a few times and I’ll say it again, the Fertility Center at University Hospitals employs the best hospital staff I have ever worked with. It also helped me that both nurses said they had needle phobias and everyone was seriously SO EXCITED for us. It totally calmed me down. I changed into my gown, Irwin got a cup of coffee and snacks {lucky bastard} and the nurses came into the room to go over my medical chart and prep us for the procedure. One of our mentors and great friends called us to pray with us at this point in time and I was so happy the nurses allowed him to finish before they started with all their info.

It was finally time for the iv and my arm is still a little sore because I’m a bit of a baby so I’m not going to talk much about this. But for anyone going through this, or anything where you need an iv, listen to the nurse. They know where is best to start it and it will save you needle pokes if you aren’t stubborn like me.

I walked into the procedure room and they got me all settled up on the bed. I literally remember them asking me to put my arms and legs in the stirrups and that’s it. I’m pretty sure I confirmed my date of birth and name for like the 300th time that morning, but after that I was out. I woke up about an hour later to the sound of fixer upper which was on the TV in the recovery room. It was at this moment that Irwin told me for the first time how many eggs they were able to retrieve: a whopping 30!!! And that morning I was concerned we’d only have like 5. I proceeded to ask him and the nurse a few dozen more times how many eggs we got because anesthesia and shock got the best of me. It was at this point I was able to drink something and have a snack {I had a sip of ginger ale, water, and goldfish crackers for those wondering} and about an hour and a half after I woke up, we were given the okay to leave.

When they triggered me, it was a mix of HCG and Lupron to ward off any severe OHSS, but they told me there was still a chance I would develop it which is why the transfer was pushed back. I’m pretty sure I ended up with a mild case of it, as today is the first day since Wednesday I am not in pain from bloating. It wasn’t anything severe and I never vomited or caught a fever so we self treated. I do know OHSS can be a yo-yo though so I’m going to continue to be careful. Fortunately once my next cycle starts this will disappear.

Now to the good part, numbers:

30 eggs retrieved on Thursday

22 of those were mature

17 fertilized

AND… drum roll please…

ALL 17 embabies had divided and continued to grow as of yesterday. We will get an email on Wednesday with how many they were able to freeze! This is truly an incredible number and way more than Irwin and I were expecting. God is so amazing, am I right?

We are currently planning to move forward with a frozen embryo transfer next cycle, so I’ll keep you all posted on how that progresses and, of course, with the final number of babies we have frozen. This whole month seems to be a little bit of a blur, but I am so in awe with how amazing this turned out and I am so excited to see what else is in store.

known

Dear Baby C,

This weekend your dad and I went to Columbus for a Young Adults Conference through our church. A group of eight of our friends went and we were joined by about 200 other young adults that came from all over the state of Ohio. It was really incredible!

On Friday, we heard from preacher Robert Madu. Madu has had the pleasure of speaking at conferences all around the globe, but came out to speak to our relatively small group in negative degree weather. He preached on staying in your lane and how your comparison is the thief of joy. To be transparent with you, I have struggled with this over the last few years. Your dad and I got married young, and now that we have all been married for a little while, everyone is having babies. To someone who is struggling with infertility, this is a really rough road to be on as we are now all in different sections of our journey. Some friends have now had multiple children in the span of time that we have been trying to just have one. We ended the evening with some donuts and pizza, because eating and hanging out with friends is what being young is about right?

Saturday was the second and final day of the conference; we had two sessions lead by Ohio based preachers and a small group breakout session. I was teetering on the verge of a breakdown twice through this day. The first time was when we got grouped with another small group and the leader was pregnant and due in May. The second time was during lunch when a mom and dad to be revealed they were going to be parents to their parents. In those moments I was grateful for the message we heard the night prior because I tried to get over my sadness as quickly as I could and remember to keep my eyes on Jesus and the plan he has for our lives, not anyone else. We eventually headed home via a very quiet van ride and reunited with our fluffy loves (aka – Beau and Buster).

All around it was a great weekend, and we are looking forward to the conference next year, hopefully with you in tow!

I’m twiddling my thumbs over here waiting for this next cycle to start so we can begin all of this. It hasn’t totally hit me that we are going to be starting ivf and we are going to be SO MUCH CLOSER to meeting you, but the reality is it’s almost here. Now I’m just trying to believe what everyone has been telling me over the last few weeks months:

It’s going to work.

 

We love you Baby C,

Mom & Dad

the longest tww there ever was

Dear Baby C,

Welcome to the tww {two week wait}. I know we shouldn’t be expecting anything from this cycle, but I am full of expectation for what is coming after these next two weeks! It feels like yesterday that we were sitting in our dining room going over deciding to move forward with ivf and here we are, just two weeks away from starting this process. The following is a little overview on how all of this will work:

3 days after my cycle starts, I will go in for my first ultrasound and round of bloodwork, called baseline testing. From there they will tell me just how much medication I will need to inject that evening and the evening prior.

Two days after that (and every other day for the next 8 days or so) I will be going to the doctors early in the morning for more ultrasounds and bloodwork. Your dad will be injecting two different medications into my belly each night during this time. After about a week and a half, the doctor will determine if we are ready for the retrieval. Once she gives us the go-ahead, dad will inject the trigger shot and 36 hours after that I will be in surgery to have all of the developed eggs removed. That evening we will start the dreaded Progesterone in Oil shots.

Once the eggs are fertilized, we should get a phone call about how many embabies we have growing in the lab! If all continues to go well, 5 days after my surgery, we will go in and have one of the blastocysts transferred back into my uterus.

Then we wait…

 

This is a very dumbed down version of exactly what is going to be happening and overtaking our lives for the next month or so, but I won’t overwhelm you.

In other news, I have my first acupuncture treatment scheduled for next Friday morning. I’ve read and heard from just about everyone that it helps and I am ready to try just about anything at this point to get you here. If you didn’t know me, you’d never know I was absolutely terrified of needles…

We love you baby C,

Mom & Dad

 

full of hope

Dear Baby C,

I write this to you on the eve of the new year, the year we are praying we get to bring you home.

This year has been full of so many ups and downs for me and your dad and lately, I have been nothing but a negative nancy just because I’ve been reminiscing. Even something as simple as an overcrowded restaurant is enough to set me off these days. Lord, I pray for my husband and hope he has patience with me over the following months.

But, we are mere hours away from the new year. 365 days full of hope. 365 chances to wake up on the right side of the bed. 365 to smile and laugh, instead of frown and seethe. And, believe it or not, we are only a couple weeks out from starting ivf. Your dad and I don’t hide it anymore, and everyone always asks if we are nervous and how we are feeling. Honestly, I am so ready to have you here that I am nothing but excited for this next adventure. It will be a long road, and I’m sure full of ups and downs, but if it gets you to us safely, I will be okay.

In addition to (hopefully) bringing you into the world, we have a few other fun things up our sleeves for 2018:

• We are going to be installing a fence at our home so your furry brothers have a place to run around outside. Someday I’ll write a post on how amazing these boys are.
• A trip to Colorado.
• Our 4 (!!) year anniversary.
• Floor seats to the Taylor Swift concert (which may be your first concert! In utero, that is)

As the clock ticks down to the new year, I am leaving behind all my negative thoughts.

I am going to work on not letting little things get to me.

I am going to work on being healthier for the future of our family.

I am going to focus on spending more time in the present and not scrolling through my social media feeds.

I am going to work on praying more, and worrying way less.

After all, God’s got this.

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