known

Dear Baby C,

This weekend your dad and I went to Columbus for a Young Adults Conference through our church. A group of eight of our friends went and we were joined by about 200 other young adults that came from all over the state of Ohio. It was really incredible!

On Friday, we heard from preacher Robert Madu. Madu has had the pleasure of speaking at conferences all around the globe, but came out to speak to our relatively small group in negative degree weather. He preached on staying in your lane and how your comparison is the thief of joy. To be transparent with you, I have struggled with this over the last few years. Your dad and I got married young, and now that we have all been married for a little while, everyone is having babies. To someone who is struggling with infertility, this is a really rough road to be on as we are now all in different sections of our journey. Some friends have now had multiple children in the span of time that we have been trying to just have one. We ended the evening with some donuts and pizza, because eating and hanging out with friends is what being young is about right?

Saturday was the second and final day of the conference; we had two sessions lead by Ohio based preachers and a small group breakout session. I was teetering on the verge of a breakdown twice through this day. The first time was when we got grouped with another small group and the leader was pregnant and due in May. The second time was during lunch when a mom and dad to be revealed they were going to be parents to their parents. In those moments I was grateful for the message we heard the night prior because I tried to get over my sadness as quickly as I could and remember to keep my eyes on Jesus and the plan he has for our lives, not anyone else. We eventually headed home via a very quiet van ride and reunited with our fluffy loves (aka – Beau and Buster).

All around it was a great weekend, and we are looking forward to the conference next year, hopefully with you in tow!

I’m twiddling my thumbs over here waiting for this next cycle to start so we can begin all of this. It hasn’t totally hit me that we are going to be starting ivf and we are going to be SO MUCH CLOSER to meeting you, but the reality is it’s almost here. Now I’m just trying to believe what everyone has been telling me over the last few weeks months:

It’s going to work.

 

We love you Baby C,

Mom & Dad

the longest tww there ever was

Dear Baby C,

Welcome to the tww {two week wait}. I know we shouldn’t be expecting anything from this cycle, but I am full of expectation for what is coming after these next two weeks! It feels like yesterday that we were sitting in our dining room going over deciding to move forward with ivf and here we are, just two weeks away from starting this process. The following is a little overview on how all of this will work:

3 days after my cycle starts, I will go in for my first ultrasound and round of bloodwork, called baseline testing. From there they will tell me just how much medication I will need to inject that evening and the evening prior.

Two days after that (and every other day for the next 8 days or so) I will be going to the doctors early in the morning for more ultrasounds and bloodwork. Your dad will be injecting two different medications into my belly each night during this time. After about a week and a half, the doctor will determine if we are ready for the retrieval. Once she gives us the go-ahead, dad will inject the trigger shot and 36 hours after that I will be in surgery to have all of the developed eggs removed. That evening we will start the dreaded Progesterone in Oil shots.

Once the eggs are fertilized, we should get a phone call about how many embabies we have growing in the lab! If all continues to go well, 5 days after my surgery, we will go in and have one of the blastocysts transferred back into my uterus.

Then we wait…

 

This is a very dumbed down version of exactly what is going to be happening and overtaking our lives for the next month or so, but I won’t overwhelm you.

In other news, I have my first acupuncture treatment scheduled for next Friday morning. I’ve read and heard from just about everyone that it helps and I am ready to try just about anything at this point to get you here. If you didn’t know me, you’d never know I was absolutely terrified of needles…

We love you baby C,

Mom & Dad

 

beau and buster

Dear Baby C,

I wanted to take some time to introduce you to your older siblings. These aren’t just any ordinary siblings though, these are your fierce and loyal protectors. Your four-legged friends.

Beau came to me and your dad shortly after we got married. In wanting to be totally transparent, we were not looking for a dog, but man those big brown eyes did me in (he has the same eyes as your dad). We brought him home at the beginning of January, and it was the coldest I ever remember it being. Poor thing had to go potty outside and housebreaking him when it was -10 degrees was not easy on either of us. Your dad was also traveling for work at the time, so it was just me and Bobo. Again, being honest, we hit the four-month mark and I did not want a dog anymore. He was so much responsibility and so, so needy. One day we had gone outside sans leash, and he ran into the street. There were no cars around, but my heart dropped into my stomach and from that day on I swore to protect him. Now we have this crazy close bond and he is definitely my dog, even though he looks like daddy. Beau’s favorite thing to do is cuddle on the couch, get belly rubs, and snack. He will be four later this year and that makes me sad because I want him to be around forever.

About a year after we brought Beau home, your mom had another crazy idea. Enter Buster. Buster is that full-of-personality, doesn’t care what anyone thinks dog. Opposite of your other brother, Buster looks like me and is your dad’s dog. He absolutely loves the snow – as long as he isn’t shaved, and could play fetch for hours. Buster’s favorite things include giving kisses right on the mouth, going to the dog park, and his giggle ball. We may have also tried to get him to be an honorary Cavs player, but no luck. Buster turns two right around the time we will be starting ivf, which will actually be a good excuse for cake. He is the ying to Beau’s yang and I couldn’t imagine our lives without either of them.

So Baby C, these are your brothers. I fully expect Beau to walk right by your side and protect you from any harm, and Buster will probably learn to get into your crib and snuggle with you. They will also probably be the happiest dogs that first time you throw them a cheerio.

I cannot wait to bring you home so you can meet them. I am sure they will be so excited to meet you too.

Love,

Mom and Dad

full of hope

Dear Baby C,

I write this to you on the eve of the new year, the year we are praying we get to bring you home.

This year has been full of so many ups and downs for me and your dad and lately, I have been nothing but a negative nancy just because I’ve been reminiscing. Even something as simple as an overcrowded restaurant is enough to set me off these days. Lord, I pray for my husband and hope he has patience with me over the following months.

But, we are mere hours away from the new year. 365 days full of hope. 365 chances to wake up on the right side of the bed. 365 to smile and laugh, instead of frown and seethe. And, believe it or not, we are only a couple weeks out from starting ivf. Your dad and I don’t hide it anymore, and everyone always asks if we are nervous and how we are feeling. Honestly, I am so ready to have you here that I am nothing but excited for this next adventure. It will be a long road, and I’m sure full of ups and downs, but if it gets you to us safely, I will be okay.

In addition to (hopefully) bringing you into the world, we have a few other fun things up our sleeves for 2018:

  • We are going to be installing a fence at our home so your furry brothers have a place to run around outside. Someday I’ll write a post on how amazing these boys are.
  • A trip to Colorado.
  • Our 4 (!!) year anniversary.
  • Floor seats to the Taylor Swift concert (which may be your first concert! In utero, that is)

As the clock ticks down to the new year, I am leaving behind all my negative thoughts.

I am going to work on not letting little things get to me.

I am going to work on being healthier for the future of our family.

I am going to focus on spending more time in the present and not scrolling through my social media feeds.

I am going to work on praying more, and worrying way less.

After all, God’s got this.

3… 2… 1…

 

 

the week after christmas

Dear Baby C,

It is without fail that every year during this time, I lose track of what day it is, and even the time. As I’m sitting at my work desk I am wondering how it is only 1:30 and I have to be here for five more hours, even though it feels like I’ve been here for 8 hours already.

Christmas was so fun this year, your dad and I hosted everyone in our home. Your grandparents, aunts, and uncle on both sides were over in the morning and all of my extended family came over that evening for dinner. Everyone is so excited to meet you when you finally arrive! It’s so weird to think that next year you may be here to celebrate your first Christmas with us.

After everyone left the house felt quiet, and for the first time ever, empty. Even though your fur siblings and dad were there with me, it was like the silence was deafening for the first time ever. It was one of those moments that let me know we are doing the right thing by moving forward with this so quickly.

Within the next week we will be starting a brand new year, and if I’m being honest with you, I am really looking forward to it. I know God has our back through all of this, and I truly believe 2018 is going to be the year we get to bring you home. It’s so crazy we only have about 2 and a half weeks until all of this starts. There is so much on the line, but we know it is going to be so worth it to get to hold you in our arms.

We love you Baby C,

Mom & Dad

a few days of good luck

Dear Baby C,

Yesterday your dad and I got a very exciting phone call. We were approved for a 25% discount on the medications the doctor has prescribed to me. I will be on seven different medications plus my prenatals and thyroid medication.

I cannot believe we are 25 days away from starting this process.

Most days I feel really good about it, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any doubts occasionally sneak in. I’ve been praying for you for almost two years now, but I’ve been praying especially hard for you recently and if I’m being honest, for my strength as well. This whole process involves lots of needles, which is quite possibly one of my biggest fears, and I am going to need lots of strength to get through it.

The doctor has me on an antagonist protocol, due to my risk of hyperstimulation.

I will be taking daily injections of Follistim and Pregnyl to help produce lots of eggs and keep them growing at the same rate. After a few monitoring appointments, they’ll add in the Ganirelix, which will prevent the eggs from releasing prematurely. Once they deem all the eggs are ready, they will schedule my retrieval and I’ll take the trigger.

They have me on some other oral medications and prescribed me an estrogen patch to wear, to make my uterine lining thick (this whole process is so, so sexy) so I can have a sticky baby! They have also prescribed me the dreaded PiO injections, which is an intramuscular injection given daily right in the behind. As much as I loathe needles, I’m hoping I need a bunch of these because that would mean I am pregnant with you!

Say lots of prayers for your dad, who has been a trooper through all of this, because I feel like all these hormones are going to make me a little hard to handle.

We love you Baby C,

Mom & Dad

 

six hundred and twenty seven

Dear Baby C,

It’s been 627 days since your dad and I started on this journey.

We’ve prayed countless prayers, cried thousands of tears, and I’ve peed on a few too many sticks {all of which have been negative}.

But now we are a mere 26 days away from the journey we hope will bring you from heaven into our arms.

You see, Baby C, when your dad and I first got married, I knew I wanted children, but I didn’t want them at that point in my life. I wanted to advance my career, get set up financially, travel, among a laundry list of other things. Some of those things we have accomplished, some of what I thought we would have later in life came sooner than expected. The desire for you was one of those.

It’s now been just shy of two years. We’ve found an amazing doctor who is going to help us get you here and I know God has his hand in this as well and is setting us up for success. If you only knew how many people were praying for you and your safe arrival. Baby C, you are already so incredibly loved. This next step in our journey is going to be rough, but we already know you are so worth it and with God on our side, I know we can get through it.

We love you so much,

Mom & Dad