send caffiene

I am so, so sleepy today guys. And it’s March 1st. Where is time going?

The dogs have decided they need to be right on top of me at all times and because of that, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I also think I was still feeling the excitement from the positive test I got yesterday too. Today is the first day in about four weeks where I have wanted coffee, but I know if I have any a couple things will happen:

1. I will be upset with myself because I’ve been really good so far and don’t want to mess up our chances at having a healthy baby.
2. I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

So I want caffeine but shouldn’t have caffeine. My friends that know just keep telling me to get used to being tired, which I guess I probably should heed that warning because it’s good advice.

In other news, I’m basically appalled it’s only Thursday and we are supposed to get snow overnight, so I’m definitely contemplating working from home tomorrow. My boss is heading to sunnier climates tonight and everyone else in my office is off, so if I come in I’ll be alone. Maybe I’ll just make tomorrow a shorter than normal day {while in the office at least. I work the whole time I’m awake regardless of where I’m at usually}. After work tomorrow through Irwin and I are going on a date to get pizza, which let’s be real, is the best kind of date. We plan to tell our pastor, his wife, and one of our very good friends the news of our pregnancy this weekend and we are very excited!

What are everyone else’s plans for the weekend?

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two little lines

So full disclosure, I have some family members and friends who know I am writing a blog, but nobody {not even Irwin} has the link so this remains pretty private.

I got to go in to work late today as I have some evening appointments happening so I had some time to kill this morning. I woke up, made my meal plan and grocery list for next week, and watched the news. However, I could not shake the desire to test. The downside was I didn’t have any tests available to me. So I made a trip to Target because I needed some more prenatals and hair ties and picked up two boxes of pregnancy tests. I knew today’s would be negative, but at least I could scratch the itch and then have ample tests for next week.

WELL, much to my surprise, those two beautiful pink lines I have been longing for over the last two years showed up after about a minute. I could hardly believe it. I have a little bean growing inside me! I called Irwin right away to tell him the news and then sat down and was like “now what”. I’ve waited so long for this moment that I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I kept going back over to the test to make sure the lines were still there – they were. It just feels like we are in a dream and I’m waiting for someone to wake me up.

 

…and the Lord has given me my petition which I have asked of Him

I am going to keep testing through the weekend and then go for a beta on Monday most likely. I have one scheduled for next Friday, but if I’m getting positive tests I’ll just go a bit sooner.

 

Now we just have to wait. The Lord has given us our miracle and I am praying so hard for our healthy little bean to be carried for 9 months. Our estimated due date is 11/11 which is a fun date too. Thank you all for your prayers. God is on our side and I know he totally heard each and every one of our prayers and the prayers of everyone else. Our little one is so loved already.

 

apple juice

Today marked the day I nearly passed out when doing a blood draw…

For starters, I didn’t get to have my usual water bottle this morning as I forgot to fill it up before I left. This wasn’t a huge deal because I decided I’d just fill it up at the clinic and drink it prior to going in. WELL – that didn’t happen. I get onto the highway this morning and everything is going smoothly until about a mile before the Royalton exit in Strongsville which is where it turned into stop and go traffic for the next 5 miles. I was still relatively early, so I didn’t start freaking out until about 7:35 and I hadn’t even gone 3 miles. I finally get past the accident and make it to the doctors 15 minutes late, which throws off everything else as I had a mandatory 9am meeting in Lakewood. So I head inside, skipped getting water, and am not super frazzled. She brings me in for blood work, and all is well until they can’t get the blood flowing – probably due to stress and dehydration. She finally gets what she needs, and goes to grab a band-aid and that is when everything goes fuzzy.

Now I’ve been close to passing out on two other occasions – once at my very first appointment and once at the IVF consult when they needed vials upon vials for all their testing. I’ve never felt this close to passing out though so Carol grabbed me an apple juice and some water. I started talking at this point just to get my mind off of things and that helped. After about 10 minutes, I was on my way. Bonus: I even made it to work on time for my 9am.

{I was going to end the blog post there, but then the fertility center called to say my progesterone was going up and was at a 38 which is great. Now I just have to twiddle my thumbs 8 more days until my beta – which I also need to call and schedule. Fingers crossed and all the prayers please and thank you.}

weddings

I am currently 3dp5dt {three days past a five-day transfer} and keeping my positive attitude strong. I took my Sunday nap yesterday and when I woke up, the first thing out of my mouth was that our baby had implanted. I don’t really know where that came from, but I’ll take it. I think my subconscious may know something I don’t…

Lots of exciting things happened in the last half of the week and over the weekend. A small recap:

• One of my good friends got engaged. I knew this was coming, but it’s always nice when these things become official! We are now trying to plan for a June 2018 wedding for her and her fiance. Basically, I’m burying myself in wedding planning things until I am able to test.
• Another one of my friends had her sweet baby and we got to visit them at the hospital Friday evening. This was the same day as our embryo transfer so I think it was good juju to snuggle a newborn while waiting for our baby to snuggle into my uterus.
• Embryo transfer – obvious highlight.
• Irwin’s uncle and godfather celebrated his 70th birthday yesterday evening with a party. That side of his family is huge, so it was nice to get to see everyone as we don’t all get together outside of these types of celebrations.

All in all, a very nice weekend spent with family and friends.

What did you all do over the weekend?

transfer

At 11:03am, we transferred a little embryo back into my uterus for safe keeping. We are praying for a sticky baby and a healthy and happy nine month pregnancy!

University Hospitals fertility center has multiple doctors under their “roof” and I’ve worked with three out of the four. However, the one who we had our very first meeting with back in April of last year and who has kind of directed us through these steps did the transfer today. It was a really nice way to bookend things, so to speak.

Unlike my dream two nights ago, the first embryo they thawed did in fact survive and had even begun to hatch, which is so exciting! The process was super quick and really cool to observe. They let us take our phones in the room, so I put Irwin on camera duty. He only got a picture of the embryo on the screen, because both of us were paying attention to everything else that was going on. After the embryo had been transferred, they rolled me back into the outpatient room and I waited there for 20 minutes before getting to leave. Then it was fry time {this is said to help with implantation}.

Before I had even gotten off the highway back home, I had a call from the hospital that, while my progesterone level was okay, it wasn’t as high as the doctor wanted it at 14.5. So tonight we up my dosage to 1.5cc. I was a little concerned when we first got the phone call, and even drove all the way out to the crocker office to talk to a nurse and make sure the shots were going in the right place. Honestly, as much as I wanted to just go home, I’m glad I went because she totally calmed my nerves by not being worried at all and telling me some people just absorb it slower than others. So I go back for another blood draw on Tuesday and hopefully levels are rising as needed. If not I’m sure they will add more medication, but time will tell.

Until then it’s time to relax! Please keep Irwin and I in your prayers and keep sending those positive vibes our way. We have 12 days until beta!

 

Baby C as a blastocyst! Isn’t he/she adorable?!

 

twenty four hours

Tomorrow at 11am, just about 24 hours from now, we will be in the procedure room transferring our blastocyst. I honestly cannot believe it’s here and I’m feeling very good about it. I have been envisioning being pregnant and even holding our beautiful child in the delivery room and in our home. I have been trying to keep things very light and positive lately as to not overwhelm my thoughts with negative energy. God is going to provide and perform a miracle.

There are no dietary restrictions leading up to tomorrow, but nearly all the medications I’m on have some sort of restriction to them. No dairy or antacids within two hours of  the doxy pills, no food at all within the hour of taking the synthroid pill, medrol needs to be taken at bedtime but with food… Pretzels and animal crackers have become my friends at this point. Tomorrow morning, an hour after my synthroid medication, I’ll introduce pineapple into my diet – core included – to help with implantation. I am also slated to have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow, but waiting to hear on the time as I needed to move it up a bit in order to have ample time to make it to the other side of town.

I had a dream last night about our transfer. The doctor was in the lab and watching each blast thaw. The first two they thawed were no good, but the third was so strong and the doctor and embryologists were very excited about it. I’m trying to not read much into it, because I know God is going to give us our miracle during this time. And the dream was very positive once we got to that third blast. I also don’t have any anxieties about the after. I am only anxious to get to the hospital and be reunited with my little babes.

Tonight I have big plans to pick up my grocery order, clean my house, and pick up the edible arrangements I’ve ordered for the fertility clinics. I may even pick up some flowers to “treat myself”. I want to be sure we will have a relaxing weekend once we complete the transfer tomorrow and other than a wedding rehearsal tomorrow evening, I think this weekend is going to be pretty low key. Even the rehearsal shouldn’t be too bad – my clients and the planner this weekend are super sweet.

Prayers, sticky baby vibes, positivity, and well wishes would be great as we enter into this next phase and the tww!

positivity and guilt

I’ve felt mostly calm and excited this cycle, thinking about the prospect that this could be the cycle I finally see those two beautiful pink lines. Irwin and I have decided to take a very positive approach to our frozen embryo transfer and speak about our baby as if he or she will be here in November. We are having faith in God to bring our child to us and allow us to obtain and sustain a pregnancy.

But last night as I was doing some reading, I had a new feeling come over me.

Not worry.

Not negativity.

But guilt.

I became sad. I began thinking about all of those who struggle with their fertility journey’s, about those who try for so much longer than we have been trying, who go through multiple rounds of ivf without success. I thought about how, in relative terms, we’ve had a fairly easy journey. My stimming process for our fresh cycle lasted 10 days from baseline to egg retrieval. I had overstimulated, so we had to take a break and are prepping for our frozen embryo transfer now, but when everything is said and done, this has been a fairly easy process for us. Even needles – which I used to be terrified of, aren’t as bad anymore {I’m still scared of shots, but not like I used to be}. I have been calm and relaxed. I’ve felt at peace. It’s an odd place for me to be in because before we started ivf, I was the total opposite of calm and at peace.My prayer today is that everyone, no matter where they are in this journey, finds that calmness and peace. That if their journeys last a few months, or triple the number of years it’s taken us, that they find happiness and that someday they have their baby in their arms.

Some light reading before bed

In two days, I will be reunited with one of our embryos. We are praying with all our might that he or she is strong and is a sticky baby. That we are able to conceive and our baby grows for a healthy and happy nine months, and that in November we get to hold our bouncing little baby in our arms.

This whole process, whether you are doing ivf or trying naturally, takes so much faith and it is only by miracles that babies are born. It’s incredible that our little miracle is finally so close.

 

 

what day is it?

I literally have done what feels like a weeks worth of work in the last two days and I am TIRED. I actually woke up a bit before Irwin’s alarm went off this morning and told myself to go back to bed because it was Sunday… nope. I’ve pretty much been working daily for the last four weeks and I finally see the light at the end of that tunnel.

My week is, fortunately, a little short as we have our embryo transfer on Friday! In preparation for that, I plan to take Friday off to get my house clean, grocery shop, and get in an acupuncture appointment before the transfer and taking it easy over the rest of the weekend. I will be working from home Friday and Saturday, but it will be nice to work from my couch in pajamas. I also plan to get little gift baskets together for the fertility center to just thank them for everything they have done up until this point. If you’ve been reading along, you know how much they have gone above and beyond, and I really appreciate everything they’ve done up until this point. I’m thinking of getting them some macaroons, granola bars, teas and coffee, candy, and fruit. I’ll stuff this all in a basket and write a thank you card as well. It’s nice to be nice, after all.

I’ll share a little secret with you guys, I recently ordered some cloth diapers for our little one. When we first started trying, I did a bunch of research and decided on cloth diapering. I won’t be a stay at home mom, but I have enough flexibility in my schedule that it will work. And my mother in law, who will spend some time during the week watching the baby is well versed in cloth diapering too. Last week and over the weekend I went into this “let’s order all the baby things” phase. Sometimes I wonder if I am being too optimistic, but I truly have faith God is going to give us our child and he or she is going to be this perfect little miracle. It warms my heart just thinking about it.

a little rant, and moving on

Guys, I had a weekend, and not in a good way.

I won’t go into details – but between being emotionally drained, people complaining, and a very negative conversation someone tried to have with me about having children, I was totally over it as of yesterday afternoon.

So then we finally made it to the end of the weekend, our small group had left the house, we cleaned up a bit, and headed upstairs to administer the progesterone in oil shot. I have literally been dreading this since the day the nurse told me I’d be on it back in December. Irwin pulled the needle out and I almost fainted/threw up. He grabbed the instructions out of my hands and told me to lay down and relax. I had originally thought these went in your bum, but it actually goes up higher, in your hip area. The problem with this is I have wide set hip bones and I couldn’t differentiate muscle and bone. Fortunately, Irwin was able to tell the difference. He washed off the lidocaine, swabbed the area, and it was go time. Because of where these are administered, I was laying on my belly with a heating pad under my belly to keep me warm and not tense so I didn’t see anything happening. Irwin paused for a bit before actually doing the injecting and my whole upper body was tense to draw attention away from that area – I really just wanted to get it over with at this point. That’s when I felt the prick and then – to my complete surprise – nothing.

The ganirelix shot I was on towards the end of my fresh cycle hurt way more than this did, and that was a puny 1/2″ needle. It has been two months of me dreading these injections and it was over before I knew it. After the shot is administered we were told to apply a heating pad and then Irwin massaged the area for a bit to distribute the medication. I have to say, that was kind of the upswing to my weekend, and I felt a little more confident going into this week. And these shots, if that’s what it’s going to be like, I can totally handle them. I am consistently amazing myself at how strong God made me and cannot really believe I’ve been so scared of these things. It really isn’t the worst thing ever and I know what the end result is, which makes all of this totally worth it.

So for those of you that are going through this and need to be on the Progesterone in Oil shots – they aren’t all that terrible. I would recommend asking for the lidocaine prescription and don’t do the injections yourself. But they really could be way worse – and when the end result is the baby you have been praying for, all of this will just be a small blip in your memory. We can do this.

 

think thick!

I hope y’all aren’t sick of the Friends references yet, because I have no plans to stop.

I had my lining check this morning and all. looks. fabulous. Praise Jesus!

We are scheduled for our transfer on February 23rd, and the embryology lab will call on Thursday with time we need to be at the hospital. Guys, I have so much love for these little snowbabies. They are going to be some seriously amazing human beings someday.

 

Last night I was feeling really anxious about this appointment. You go through a fresh ivf cycle and towards the end I was being monitored daily and could see exactly what was going on. When you are type A, like myself, this is a dream. I also did a ton of research last cycle and learned so much about this whole process. With a frozen embryo transfer, things are a little more out of your hands, no monitoring except for a lining check, snowbabies have to thaw correctly, and lots of other things that are out of my control and having to relinquish that is challenging for me. So I was sitting in the parking lot trying to kill some time before going into the clinic {forever early to everything} and my favorite worship song was playing and I opened up Instagram, which is when I saw this. It was literally the first picture I saw on my feed and I was reduced to a puddle of tears almost instantly. Sometimes no matter how many people tell me everything is going to be okay, I need that signal from God and he has never, ever failed me with this.

Irwin and I are seriously so excited and so in love with our little babies. We cannot wait for transfer day, and everything after that. We are putting all our faith in God that this will indeed work and will we have our miracles. I want to thank all of you for your prayers and well wishes up until this point – we truly feel each and every one of them and know that our baby is so, so loved.