Shortly after 1pm yesterday we got the call that we had been anxiously awaiting. My e2 levels came back at 5070 and with all the follicles they measured in the morning, the doctors wanted us to trigger. Due to my estrogen levels being so high, we are no longer eligible for a fresh transfer and had to trigger with a mix of HCG and Lupron. We are hoping to put the OHSS risk at bay. My surgery is scheduled for 8:30am on Thursday, but we have to be in at 7am to get prepped. I am feeling a little nervous, mostly because I hate hospitals, and I am really praying they get a good number of quality eggs.
The good news about all of this is after tomorrow, I get a break from the needles for a bit. The bad news is our little embabies have to make it to the freeze and then thawing the freeze next month.
I am pretty emotionally drained at this point and my mood has switched over from generally positive to extremely pessimistic. I’ve also gotten back to where I start crying and literally cannot stop. This has the possibility to send me into a really strong depression, and I’m not sure I would cope if that ended up being the case. I’ve even considered selling our brand new home if it doesn’t work and moving back into something smaller. What is the point of having a large home if you can’t fill it with babies? I know God has put on my heart having a child of my own, with possible adoption down the line for other babies, but I am really struggling right now to remain positive about the whole situation.
Today I am thankful for Beau and Buster, who can single-handedly make a whole day better with one puppy kiss. Dogs just tend to make the world a better place and these sweet boys know exactly what to do when I’m not feeling the greatest. I seriously look forward to coming home and seeing them every day, even if they weren’t the best boys while I was at work.
Hannah Caraballo 